Are You Working Too Hard?
You have probably heard reference to the Protestant Work Ethic, an attitude toward work characterized by a pioneer in the field of Sociology, Max Weber (The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism). It’s an attitude, which Weber saw exemplified in Calvinism and most fully manifested in America. It regards work as a moral virtue, valorizes hard work, and with equal vigor it judges idleness and dependency.
It’s a harsh ethic that became a pervasive theme in the mythology of the self-made man and American meritocracy. But my purpose here is to address the way in which excess can be avoided and a properly positive regard for work and achievement can be preserved. What will help us notice when our approach to work, even hard work, has become unhealthy and has generated patterns of compulsive overwork?
The Effects of Overwork
One answer to this question consists in noticing signs of deterioration in our behavior, emotions, and overt performance at work. The table below summarizes some of the ways overwork can undermine our effectiveness in the workplace.
Implicit in these specific warning signs is evidence of fatigue that may become a rather common theme of complaints in your conversation with significant others. The fatigue is caused by growing levels of stress and strain, which increase even more quickly as our coping resources and resilience are depleted. It cuts deep and becomes more difficult to recover and feel recharged after a long weekend.
Better Ways to Cope
What is described above is a chronic pattern of overwork. The chronicity of this pattern can easily signal to us that something more fundamental is at issue, i.e., our competence, our character, our hopes for career success. Wow! That can breed feelings of desperation and vulnerabilities to act impulsively. By this time, we have lost our internal locus of control. We feel that we are at the mercy of circumstances.
Indeed, there may be something more fundamental at issue, but it’s less likely to be a flaw in our basic abilities or moral character than it is an unmet need to learn from our experience. One of the simplest solutions to this problem is a shift in attitude, to suspend our reactive fears and insecurities and become curious about what our experience (physical sensations, rational observations, feelings) are teaching us.
It is almost always the case that others have already noticed. They can see that we are no longer the healthier version of ourselves. So, there is little to lose in owning the fact that we are approaching burnout and need to get some fresh perspective on how to adapt and adopt a more sustainable approach to work. Your supervisor and/or your significant other may be a good starting point.
Among the more common recommendations I encourage people to explore is finding their proper maintenance cycle. Each of us as individuals and as couples, given our circumstances and the demands of our career, will usually benefit from periodic times of rest and renewal. For some of us it may be every 6-8 weeks, for others it may be every 3 months. But it is usually more frequent than we currently believe it is. These breaks can vary in length, but they should be planned times of being totally unplugged.
Another recommendation is to be more mindful of how you start your day and how you end your day. We can all usually design a way of starting our day that leaves us feeling less put-upon and rushed, even if that start-up routine is brief. Similarly, at the end of the day we can usually find a way to decompress from the emotions of the workday and transition to the moment of rejoining our family or significant other. If you need help in reshaping these patterns, find someone to talk to – it’s healthy and adaptive.
The Power of Empathic Notice
Even when we want to be alone, we don’t want to remain alone. But when we find ourselves divided by strong feelings, we often do not fully understand them or know how to communicate them. And as these experiences persist and become chronic, the divide may come to look unbridgeable. It’s at this point that people usually seek help, and a major challenge facing any professional third party is how to help their clients see the situation more clearly. A model that can generate insight into these chronic patterns of relational strain and how to overcome them is the Interpersonal Circumplex.
The Problem
In a marriage or committed relationship, and even in a close collaborative relationship at work, we learn to read the other’s negative moods even before they are overtly expressed. Our notice of these moods may not immediately rise to full conscious awareness. We’ll first feel their presence as a growing tension accompanied by an inclination to be cautious about what we say. Indeed, others often count on their behavior having this effect. Deep down, they want us to notice their mood shift, it sends a message.
These moods affect our reactions and generate self-talk. In the aggrieved party it may take the form of, “Why do others make life so difficult for me?” or “I don’t have the patience to deal with this anymore!” These are not neutral thoughts, they reflect feelings of strain and pain, which only intensify when they remain unexpressed. But if we can relax our fears and inhibitions and adopt a positive attitude, perhaps we and the other (intimate or colleague) might find ways to talk about what divides us, even resolve it.
Of course, the non-aggrieved party, will have their own self talk in response to the implicitly expressed mood of the other: “There it is again; something’s wrong and they won’t let me in on their feelings!” or “Something is off, I can feel it.” Our discernment of the tension is usually accompanied by inhibitions that prevent us from expressing what we are noticing and feeling. Neither we nor they are ready to risk that. So, how we do break this circular conspiracy of silence that allows the mooded state to fester?
Enter the facilitative presence of a third party, as coach or as therapist. How do they help? It begins with empathic understanding and accurate insight into the inhibiting forces affecting the clients: “Okay, I can see how they notice the mood but suppress expression of what they notice. Now, how can I help them become aware of this chronic pattern sooner and generate alternatives to suppressing expression of what they see, actions that serve to de-escalate emotions and work toward resolution?”
This is when the professional begins to frame the challenge for the clients. First, it’s about assuring them that they are doing nothing but trying to keep themselves safe and avoid conflict. Second, it’s about how their present actions fail to achieve their goals, how their fears restrain expression of what they notice, thereby relegating them to the fight-or-flight level of “lower brain” function and blocking transmission to the “upper brain” where a more equanimous attitude and reasonable qualities of mind prevail.
The Interpersonal Circumplex (IPC)
The IPC has two axes, both expressing basic human needs in interpersonal relations. The vertical axis (Dominant-Submissive) concerns the expressive and receptive qualities of human behavior. In that sense, these descriptors can be deceiving, for none of us want to be dominated or reduced to a submissive role. Rather, these terms represent the extreme poles of a continuum that reflects our needs for control, i.e., to freely assert ourselves and to be heard, and to listen and to understand what others have to say.
The horizontal axis (Hostile-Friendly) represents our basic needs for affiliation. We are social beings and feel safest and most open to hearing others when we experience friendliness or warmth from them. So, even if they express these positive emotions in a reserved style, it disarms defensive feelings that close us off to communication. The length of the vectors originating in the center of the circle represents the affective strength of the behavior being expressed. And Neutral represents a “place” of reflective pause.
Coaching Guidance
Based on observation, the professional helps raise the clients’ awareness of the behaviors that tend to produce and sustain patterns of chronic strain or conflict (behaviors on the left side of the circle) and helps them acquire skills for noticing rising tension early and for expressing it appropriately and with empathy. This helps them shift interaction that may be trending hostile to the Neutral Zone, and from there to the right side of the circle where they take turns talking and listening empathically to achieve mutual understanding and to promote goodwill.
Back and forth discussion in the friendly side of the circle helps them come to appreciate their individual differences and ro recognize triggers that activate their defenses and impede communications. With this insight and regular practice (homework), they can become more skilled at noticing when and maybe why tensions are growing. Their growing skills in mindfully noticing escalation and tension as a cue for moving interaction to the Neutral Zone becomes more natural. Fears that inhibit communication lessen.
Here is a typical message I might deliver to clients as they leave a session with homework to use the IPC as a mental model for noticing tension and moving interaction to the Neutral Zone:
When you first notice that you are feeling the familiar tensions and negative emotions, know that this awareness is important. Welcome it, knowing that you are already gaining more control over your chronic reactive tendencies, and that you now have choices. That is your first step in breaking the chronic cycle of dysfunctional interaction and it’s a critical achievement.
Now, what can we then do with this awareness? Our notice that there is tension grants us some emotional distance from tension. We are no longer totally immersed in it; it has now become the object of our awareness. So, we can speak with less fear: “I am feeling that things are a bit tense, and we may be seeing things differently or feeling differently right now.”
And this “process observation” may lead us to some further communication: “It feels like one of those moments we talked about in our last therapy/coaching session when it may be helpful to go to the Neutral Zone and start again so we can make sure we are hearing and understanding one another accurately. What do you think?”
Remember, it is not unusual that our first efforts may fall short. It’s a learning process, so be ready to try again while maintaining a calm and patient attitude, giving the other person time to feel the sincerity and goodwill in your message. Importantly, it doesn’t matter who starts the move to the Neutral Zone; it’s not a competition.
The expert has the benefit of specialized training and is positioned to see things from the outside. They are sought out with the hope that they will be able to help change the dynamics of the relationship. Still, lasting change takes time, and the coach and clients gain traction in waves. Initially, it consists of calming fears, increasing self and other awareness, and building confidence. Transformational changes in insight become more possible as clients become more trusting, open, and ready to use the mental model.
Note: A classic resource on Interpersonal Theory for professionals who wish to know more about the model and related research is Contemporary Interpersonal Theory and Research by Donald Kiesler, John Wiley & Sons (1996).
A Five-Step Pathway to Positive Attitude
Like many others, I am annoyed when hearing “flim-flam” motivational speakers enthusiastically, urging a positive attitude and optimism that wilts at the first encounter with the real challenges of everyday life. But I am equally troubled by those who are too quick to dismiss attitude as a powerful factor in mental life. They err in underestimating how much emotionally-toned qualities of mind can make a difference.
What’s often missing is an intelligent understanding of what we mean by a positive attitude and how one can acquire this attitude. One way to do so is to view it as a developmental achievement, as a stable and productive tendency of mind that consists in the belief that one can be an effective agent of action. It’s what we call a can-do attitude in common parlance, or what Albert Bandura called self-efficacy.
Attitude, in this sense, is a stable mental structure, not a transient state of mind, like mood. Merriam-Webster defines attitude as “a position or bearing indicating action, feeling, or mood,” a “persistent disposition to act either positively or negatively toward a person, group, object, situation or value.” It shapes the way we view others, our circumstances and possibilities for action.
Of course, we naturally form a variety of attitudes based on early life experience, the beliefs and values we acquire in our family of origin, and in subsequent experience outside the home. They arise organically, less consciously. But we can also choose to cultivate a more positive attitude (e.g., on race or openness to learning) when we see reason for doing so, and when our current attitudes do not serve us well.
Notice how, when we consider our goals for growth in life, they often imply a positive shift in attitude: from reactive to proactive; from defensive to conciliatory; from hopeless to encouraged; from avoidant to approach-oriented. All these changes involve moving from a dispositional tendency that is negative and self-limiting to a positive attitude and outlook that promotes positive change.
So, the important question remains: How is it that we can achieve this kind of attitude change? In what follows I shall briefly describe a five-step pathway to cultivating a positive attitude.
Cultivating a Positive Attitude
Since we are social beings, most of our development and our attitudinal changes involve adaptation to a social context that is defined by the interpersonal relations we rely upon to thrive. When our actions are not working for us at work or outside of work, there will usually be some cause for reflecting on the way we are approaching things with others. With this in mind, you will observe that there is an interpersonal dimension that is essential throughout this step-wise model.
1. Insight and understanding
Negativity and positivity convey a tone that manifest in shades or gradations. They are felt in pre-cognitive experience. Positive implies something good, desirable, reassuring, and negative something not good, undesirable, threatening. Rational analysis in the presence of a disinterested (objective) third party interrupts automatic patterns of interpretation and reaction. It invites a neutral tone, especially when it is deployed with the aim of seeking understanding (not evaluation) of the phenomenon at hand. This can happen more easily away from the inciting environment and with facilitation that provides emotional safety.
2. Distinguishing interests and concerns
Negativity and positivity are relative directions of evaluation, they’re defined by our values, but also by our interests. They shape our automatic normative attributions of right and wrong, good and bad. This rational appraisal provides the emotional distance required to empathize with the other party’s interests and concerns, to see the logic associated with their view of things. And as both parties arrive at that insight and understanding each other, it is evident to the other party. Greater confidence is gained, we can see that “they get it.”
3. Transcendence and motivation
The emotional distance referred to above involves rising to a broader scope of perspective. While seeing the concrete social context and circumstances of our struggle, we are now free from the grip of legacy attitudes that previously constrained us. We are able to regard one another, the situation, and what’s at stake with fresh eyes. We see normative considerations of what is just and fair, what properly considers the needs of all parties. We see the complexity of competing interests with a greater readiness for give and take and commitment to win-win outcomes.
4. Deliberations on goals and strategies
With this meta-cognitive shift, we can now formulate goals in ways that are both practically attainable and right from the standpoint of an empathic concern for one another. Discussions involve weighing options and perhaps considering trade-offs that imply sacrifices and gains. Strategies often include attention to relationships and interpersonal dynamics as well as the more practical means-ends problem solving associate with any change initiative. Implementation, of course, occurs over time and requires qualities of persistence and resilience.
5. Mindful and iterative action
Learning and change do not occur when we are on auto-pilot. Yes, habits are useful and govern over 50% of waking life, but when we’re seeking adaptive change to promote growth we must be more deliberate and attentive to our strategic aims. This allows us to experiment and notice the effects of our actions. As we apply goals and strategies across situations, small adjustments often make a big difference. Noticing what is working and why allows new habits arise. Even before new attitudinal tendencies are fully realized one’s confidence and self-efficacy grow.
Summary
There is a continuous flow of reflective action in this five-step model. Step one is call for reflection that pulls us out of our immersion in everyday life and evokes an attitude of equanimity. Step two invites an in-depth examination of one’s own situation and that of others involved our situation. It generates a more objective view of things. Step three positions us to see the larger whole, the consequential impacts of action, and the normative considerations that guide our actions. Step four highlights the goal-directed phase of figuring out what to do and how to attain a win-win outcome. Finally, step five reminds us that developmental change requires continuing attention to how things are working and a readiness to adapt.
Breaking down the path to a positive attitude in this way highlights the need for dialogue and support. It could come from your manager, your significant other, or a coach. It helps you escape the bonds of habit, to see things with fresh eyes, and it can encourage you when you falter. Consider it to be scaffolding not a sign of weakness or a long-term state of dependency.
Resentment and Ressentiment
In my experience as a psychologist, I observe how resentments accrue over time to become a scar tissue that limits the possibilities for open communication and resolving conflicts. Still, they can be overcome when something happens that weakens their grip, reduces them to a pettiness we are ready to let go of. It might be a moment of crisis in which the humanity and suffering of the other evokes within us feelings of compassion. It can also be a moment in couples therapy when, in the safe presence of a therapist, we are able to see our partner give up the fight and reveal their fears, vulnerabilities, and exhaustion.
These resentments are bricks in a wall of defenses that is constructed when we don’t communicate well, when we do not work through our differences to a deeper level of understanding and acceptance. They occur mostly in the course of interpersonal interactions, within continuing relationships, with significant others – friends, loved ones, colleagues. Most of us can find a way to face the fact that we have built up and harbored such resentments and that they have impaired our ability to see one another and hear one another as we once did. And we can then voluntarily choose to change these conditions.
It's a different matter with ressentiment, a French word that looks similar but carries different meaning. It conveys a deeper, enduring emotion of hatred and rancor, which can more permanently color one’s attitude toward others, especially those to whom superior qualities of status or character are attributed. The person afflicted with ressentiment feels inferior to this other and their feelings of inferiority produce kindred feelings of impotence, all of which are difficult to own. So, through some cognitive distortion they find ways to devalue and attribute malevolent motives to the other and their noble qualities.
The peculiarly pernicious effect of ressentiment is how it undermines veracity. While resentment leads us to use defenses and conjure justifications for our negative attitude, ressentiment runs deeper, causes us to basically falsify values at an unconscious level. What is truly noble or admirable in others – perhaps their achievements, success, or social confidence – but out of reach for “ressentiment man,” is treated as something bad and false. “Ressentiment man” also sees the other lacking the envy and impotence he feels – a painfully negative comparison – and believes the other wishes to “lord it over the rest of us.”
It is not difficult to see how ressentiment might underlie and energize some instances of class struggles and racial divisions that manifest in attitudes of bitter hatred, conflict, and violence. And while this has probably been a vulnerability among peoples throughout history, it is of particular interest to me given the nasty turn in our political rhetoric in recent years. For when we form these layers of ressentiment over decades and generations, it causes us to objectify others and to “other” them, i.e., to attribute qualities so alien and negative to them that we see little or no possibility for finding common cause.
Overcoming Resentment
“All the while, for almost a year, I was trying to do my best to succeed in a very challenging work environment, which involved an exhausting commute and numerous difficult personalities, and he was not there to support me. I felt abandoned. Treated poorly at work, and unsupported by my husband and my boss, I finally had to quit. Under those circumstances I was doomed to fail, and it’s undermined my confidence and my trust in others.”
This experience, whether factually accurate in every detail or not, provides an understandable basis for resentments to form. And now, a year later, it continues to interfere with this couple’s capacity to move on, to heal, to restore the emotional bonds they once felt. She has been side-lined in a once fast-rising career in medical research, unsure of herself, of what she wants, and of what she is able to do. Talk of “letting go” is one thing; achieving it is something else.
Resentment
Resentments form in most people at some point in their lives. And unlike good wines, they do not improve with age. Indeed, they often only become more rancorous and fill us with negative emotion. A test of this is when others observe that we are seeming unnecessarily negative, resentful, or unable to “let things go.” Our defenses are aroused. We feel misunderstood, unfairly judged, angry. The quickness and strength of our reactions tell the tale.
We don’t like the way we feel when we are harboring resentments and feeling unable to be free of them. We prefer to see ourselves as motivated by positive, life-affirming motivations, open to feedback, adaptive and able to learn from it. It’s painful to own such vulnerabilities in our professional life or as a quality of attitude and behavior in personal relationships. We prefer to believe that such negativity is thrust upon us, not something we host.
It’s no surprise, then, that such troubled and negative emotions thrive at a less conscious level of thought, feeling, and belief. We covertly attribute such experience to the sphere of external causes, causes that we can only suffer and over which we have little or no control. And it can feel so obviously true that when others suggest we may have a choice in how to see things we once again feel unheard and misunderstood, not to mention deeply hurt.
What I describe here may be more representative of long-standing, chronic resentments rather than the more time-limited stings of resentment that resolve in a day, a week, or even a month. In those cases, other intervening events or experiences arrive in time to restore our sense of wholeness: “It was just a one-off experience. Water under the bridge.” But other resentments cut deeper, are more enduring, leaving us in need of defending against further harm.
It's this latter kind of resentment I have in mind when I offer the following strategy for dealing with it. It’s an active strategy for coping and communicating differently.
Mindful Presence
When we are caught in the grip of less conscious feelings of resentment toward others and external circumstances for having been the cause of past disappointments or failures, we are at risk of “letting” its negative narrative influence our attitudes, expectations, and actions as we approach new situations in the present. The task, then, is not to dispute or review the narrative portrayal of the past. We’re best advised to merely let it remain part of the past, and as such to not have it undermine the present. But how do we do this? The simplest answer is deliberately.
1. It begins by noticing the strength and valence of our feelings, thoughts, and assumptions about the situation at hand. Why? Because we’ll feel intrusion of the past before its impacts are consciously known. And now is the time to notice what is governing our attitude and our tendencies of thought and action.
2. With a curious attitude, we then begin by questioning any negativity, asking ourselves:
a. What am I experiencing right now, emotionally, viscerally?
b. What bodily sensations and emotional feelings am I in the grip of?
c. Are my reactions proportionate, and do they help or hinder progress?
d. Might there be a different way of approaching the present situation?
e. Can I choose to suspend the remembered past and deal with the here and now?
f. How might this shift in perspective serve my purposes now?
3. We can then turn our attention to the present situation to see it as it really is.
a. What is my purpose, i.e., to engage afresh, noting any worries or concerns?
b. So, explore and discuss any concerns as relevant to the present situation.
c. Monitor for intrusive negative thoughts associated with the old narrative.
d. Be assertive, share what you see, feel, think as it arises and feels relevant.
e. Trust in your and your partner’s capacity to stay focused on the present.
We can do this in self-reflection or in dialogue to arrive at a more present-oriented picture of our situation. The more we stay in the present, the more it cues a rational, balanced, and open exchange that leads to a shared perspective and possibilities for action. This, in turn, encourages more open, emotionally safe, and complete dialogue and win-win outcomes. We become more productive as we also increase our productive capacity as a team, as partners.
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December 2023
- Dec 18, 2023 Are You Working Too Hard? Dec 18, 2023
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October 2023
- Oct 2, 2023 The Power of Empathic Notice Oct 2, 2023
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January 2023
- Jan 19, 2023 A Five-Step Pathway to Positive Attitude Jan 19, 2023
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November 2022
- Nov 4, 2022 Resentment and Ressentiment Nov 4, 2022
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July 2022
- Jul 19, 2022 Overcoming Resentment Jul 19, 2022
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February 2022
- Feb 28, 2022 What Does it Mean to Express Our Feelings? Feb 28, 2022
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October 2021
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- Oct 13, 2021 Loneliness Oct 13, 2021
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September 2021
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August 2021
- Aug 13, 2021 Coping With Negativity Aug 13, 2021
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May 2021
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April 2021
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March 2021
- Mar 2, 2021 Learning to Lead Mar 2, 2021
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February 2021
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January 2021
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December 2020
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November 2020
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October 2020
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September 2020
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August 2020
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July 2020
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June 2020
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May 2020
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April 2020
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March 2020
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- Mar 4, 2020 What's Next? (career, relationships, self-discovery) Mar 4, 2020
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February 2020
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- Feb 14, 2020 Freedom: Organism as Person Feb 14, 2020
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January 2020
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December 2019
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November 2019
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- Nov 15, 2019 Formation of Self & Adaptive Change Nov 15, 2019
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October 2019
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September 2019
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August 2019
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July 2019
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June 2019
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May 2019
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- May 11, 2019 The Tethers We Choose May 11, 2019
- May 8, 2019 For Leaders: Emotions & Judgment May 8, 2019
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April 2019
- Apr 26, 2019 A Practice Idea: Notes to Clients Apr 26, 2019
- Apr 22, 2019 Relationships: Independence, Interdependence, & Intimacy Apr 22, 2019
- Apr 18, 2019 Trust: A Fragile Thing Apr 18, 2019
- Apr 16, 2019 Authenticity: More Than Individuality Apr 16, 2019
- Apr 12, 2019 Are You an Emerging Leader? Apr 12, 2019
- Apr 11, 2019 Making Difficult Personnel Decisions Apr 11, 2019
- Apr 8, 2019 3 Reasons to Care About Generativity Apr 8, 2019
- Apr 5, 2019 In Pursuit of Coaching Apr 5, 2019
- Apr 4, 2019 Adaptive Intelligence: 5 Tips Apr 4, 2019
- Apr 2, 2019 Leadership, Self-Interest, and Morality Apr 2, 2019
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March 2019
- Mar 31, 2019 Does Brief Coaching Work? Mar 31, 2019
- Mar 27, 2019 Coping with Infidelity in Professional Couples Mar 27, 2019
- Mar 12, 2019 Using 360 Feedback to Improve Mar 12, 2019
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February 2019
- Feb 22, 2019 Assessment as Stimulus Feb 22, 2019
- Feb 15, 2019 Is Your Boss in Your Way? Feb 15, 2019
- Feb 12, 2019 Psychotherapy or Coaching? Feb 12, 2019
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January 2019
- Jan 15, 2019 Confidence in Professional Couples Jan 15, 2019
- Jan 6, 2019 Getting Away and Coming Home Jan 6, 2019
- Jan 5, 2019 The Interpersonal Circumplex Jan 5, 2019
- Jan 2, 2019 Anger as Avoidance Jan 2, 2019
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December 2018
- Dec 26, 2018 On Trusting Your Gut Dec 26, 2018
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November 2018
- Nov 25, 2018 People, Planet, & Profit – The Triple Bottom Line Nov 25, 2018
- Nov 21, 2018 And How Is That Working For You? Nov 21, 2018
- Nov 20, 2018 Situation Analysis: Take Two Nov 20, 2018
- Nov 11, 2018 Mature Mind & Positive Influence Nov 11, 2018
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October 2018
- Oct 21, 2018 Are You Growing as a Leader? Oct 21, 2018
- Oct 14, 2018 Do You Really Want to Manage? Oct 14, 2018
- Oct 4, 2018 Fear as a Call to Action Oct 4, 2018
- Oct 3, 2018 Adaptive Development Oct 3, 2018
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September 2018
- Sep 23, 2018 On Destructive Leadership Sep 23, 2018
- Sep 19, 2018 Bridging Differences in Conversation Sep 19, 2018
- Sep 17, 2018 Sleep and Effectiveness Sep 17, 2018
- Sep 13, 2018 We Are Not Merely Homo Sapiens Sep 13, 2018
- Sep 11, 2018 Making and Keeping Commitments Sep 11, 2018
- Sep 8, 2018 Connecting Hard & Soft in Practice Sep 8, 2018
- Sep 6, 2018 Destiny Guided by a Calling Sep 6, 2018
- Sep 2, 2018 On Responsibility: John McCain & Henry Bugbee Sep 2, 2018
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August 2018
- Aug 29, 2018 Social Comparison & Ressentiment Aug 29, 2018
- Aug 19, 2018 Simple Tips to Boost Team Performance Aug 19, 2018
- Aug 17, 2018 Stress: Different for Professionals? Aug 17, 2018
- Aug 11, 2018 Restraint as Presence: How it Positions us to Lead Aug 11, 2018
- Aug 9, 2018 Stress, Strain & Burnout: What to do? Aug 9, 2018
- Aug 8, 2018 When We “Muscle Through” Aug 8, 2018
- Aug 5, 2018 A Coach's Motto: Measure Twice, Cut Once Aug 5, 2018
- Aug 1, 2018 Self Divided or Self Integrated? Your Choice Aug 1, 2018
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July 2018
- Jul 29, 2018 Does Gender Still Matter? How? Jul 29, 2018
- Jul 25, 2018 Internal Critics: How they're born and put to rest Jul 25, 2018
- Jul 24, 2018 Size of Self & Leadership Presence Jul 24, 2018
- Jul 21, 2018 A Classic Model of Team Development Jul 21, 2018
- Jul 16, 2018 When is Sponsorship Coercion? Jul 16, 2018
- Jul 12, 2018 "Boredom is a Lack of Attention" Jul 12, 2018
- Jul 6, 2018 Know the Person, Then Solve the Problem Jul 6, 2018
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June 2018
- Jun 29, 2018 A Rhythm of Connecting & Relating Jun 29, 2018
- Jun 21, 2018 Want Respect? First Respect Yourself Jun 21, 2018
- Jun 12, 2018 What is Customer/Client Centricity? Jun 12, 2018
- Jun 5, 2018 Helping Couples: Because Executives are People Too Jun 5, 2018
- Jun 3, 2018 Assess Your Efficacy on Three Critical Themes in Performance Jun 3, 2018
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May 2018
- May 23, 2018 Vital Relations: Couples and Colleagues May 23, 2018
- May 21, 2018 Rotations and Stretch Assignments May 21, 2018
- May 18, 2018 Not Needing vs. Not Knowing May 18, 2018
- May 14, 2018 Exhausted from trying too hard? May 14, 2018
- May 8, 2018 From Seeing to Doing May 8, 2018
- May 2, 2018 The Practice of Engagement May 2, 2018
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April 2018
- Apr 30, 2018 Competence & Care: A Powerful Pair Apr 30, 2018
- Apr 25, 2018 Time for a Change? Apr 25, 2018
- Apr 18, 2018 The Defensive Executive Apr 18, 2018
- Apr 16, 2018 Problem vs. Mystery: A Vital Difference Apr 16, 2018
- Apr 11, 2018 The Fulfilling Expression of Self Apr 11, 2018
- Apr 5, 2018 Welcoming the Hard Stuff Apr 5, 2018
- Apr 5, 2018 The Is and the Ought in Development Apr 5, 2018
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March 2018
- Mar 29, 2018 Five Principles of Practical Wisdom Mar 29, 2018
- Mar 27, 2018 Leadership Communication: Navigation & Meaning Mar 27, 2018
- Mar 21, 2018 A Leader's Role in Issues of Attitude Mar 21, 2018
- Mar 19, 2018 The Power of Stopping for Starting Mar 19, 2018
- Mar 15, 2018 When being quiet speaks volumes Mar 15, 2018
- Mar 9, 2018 Kindness as Skillful Leadership Action Mar 9, 2018
- Mar 7, 2018 Skillful Speech as Leadership Action Mar 7, 2018
- Mar 4, 2018 In Praise of Ordinary Virtue Mar 4, 2018
- Mar 3, 2018 Three Ways to Boost Proactivity Mar 3, 2018
- Mar 2, 2018 Skillful Action: Three Examples Mar 2, 2018
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February 2018
- Feb 26, 2018 Making Virtual Coaching Work Feb 26, 2018
- Feb 22, 2018 Getting Real About Performance & Development Feb 22, 2018
- Feb 21, 2018 Buddhist Psychology for Leaders Feb 21, 2018
- Feb 19, 2018 Coaching After Hours Feb 19, 2018
- Feb 16, 2018 On Being an "Imperfect" Buddhist Feb 16, 2018
- Feb 6, 2018 Moods, Attitudes, & Skillful Action Feb 6, 2018
- Feb 2, 2018 Virtual Coaching - It's Your Choice! Feb 2, 2018
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January 2018
- Jan 29, 2018 Executive Development & Action Learning Jan 29, 2018
- Jan 22, 2018 Development as Enlightened Pragmatism Jan 22, 2018
- Jan 17, 2018 Overcoming Bias: Appraisal of Talent Jan 17, 2018
- Jan 8, 2018 Self-Managing Your Personal Presence in the Boardroom Jan 8, 2018
- Jan 3, 2018 Making Relationships Work Jan 3, 2018
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December 2017
- Dec 29, 2017 Living the Moral Duty of Leadership Dec 29, 2017
- Dec 15, 2017 Safety & Confidence: Leaders Need Both Dec 15, 2017
- Dec 14, 2017 What Makes Active Listening Work? Dec 14, 2017
- Dec 12, 2017 Why Counting to 10 Works Dec 12, 2017
- Dec 4, 2017 Person as Bridge to the Manager-Leader Divide Dec 4, 2017
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November 2017
- Nov 27, 2017 Finding & Following the Leading Thread Nov 27, 2017
- Nov 16, 2017 Fear, Self, and Thriving Nov 16, 2017
- Nov 12, 2017 What is Your Vitalizing Practice? Nov 12, 2017
- Nov 7, 2017 Right Speech & Good Leadership Nov 7, 2017
- Nov 1, 2017 Presence and Personal Efficacy Nov 1, 2017
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October 2017
- Oct 16, 2017 Full-Minded Leadership Presence Oct 16, 2017
- Oct 12, 2017 The Responsibility Discussion in Teams Oct 12, 2017
- Oct 12, 2017 Tapping all the potential of your talent pool Oct 12, 2017
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September 2017
- Sep 21, 2017 The Social Sources of Self Sep 21, 2017
- Sep 8, 2017 Getting Smart About Stress Sep 8, 2017
- Sep 1, 2017 The Tuckman Model of Team Development Sep 1, 2017
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August 2017
- Aug 28, 2017 Lower Agreeableness = More Stress Aug 28, 2017
- Aug 25, 2017 Pay it forward coaching Aug 25, 2017
- Aug 23, 2017 Work-Related Stress and You Aug 23, 2017
- Aug 11, 2017 Another Use for Mindfulness at Google Aug 11, 2017
- Aug 6, 2017 Smiling Back at Our Problems Aug 6, 2017
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July 2017
- Jul 13, 2017 Frustration, Waste, & Personal Performance Jul 13, 2017
- Jul 10, 2017 The 4 T's of Great Relationships Jul 10, 2017
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June 2017
- Jun 19, 2017 Two Selves, Together and Apart: Practical Consequences Jun 19, 2017
- Jun 8, 2017 On Willing Avoidance Jun 8, 2017
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May 2017
- May 23, 2017 Behavioral Integrity and Culture Change May 23, 2017
- May 22, 2017 Why we struggle with conflict May 22, 2017
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April 2017
- Apr 26, 2017 Leadership as Idenity Work Apr 26, 2017
- Apr 23, 2017 3 Habits for Bolstering Engagement Apr 23, 2017
- Apr 12, 2017 Encouraging Emergent Leadership Apr 12, 2017
- Apr 12, 2017 Can there really be too much IQ? Apr 12, 2017
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March 2017
- Mar 13, 2017 The Gathering Influence of Presence Mar 13, 2017
- Mar 10, 2017 3 Things People Want from Coaching Mar 10, 2017
- Mar 8, 2017 The March for Science: A Call for Reasonableness? Mar 8, 2017
- Mar 6, 2017 Poetry & the Meaning of Emotions Mar 6, 2017
- Mar 3, 2017 Leaders Helping Others Cope with Time Pressures Mar 3, 2017
- Mar 1, 2017 How We Use Our Minds at Work: It Changes Mar 1, 2017
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February 2017
- Feb 14, 2017 Empathy, Engagement, and Leadership Feb 14, 2017
- Feb 2, 2017 Agency: The Vital Center of Leader Action Feb 2, 2017
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January 2017
- Jan 30, 2017 Leader Identity Development Jan 30, 2017
- Jan 16, 2017 HRD as Action Research Jan 16, 2017
- Jan 11, 2017 Encouraging Emergent Leadership Jan 11, 2017
- Jan 9, 2017 4 Reasons to Approach Leader Development as Identity Work Jan 9, 2017
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December 2016
- Dec 21, 2016 Why is Mindfulness so Popular? Dec 21, 2016
- Dec 19, 2016 3 Keys to Enduring Emotional Positivity Dec 19, 2016
- Dec 16, 2016 Moral Philosophy for Leaders: A Webinar Dec 16, 2016
- Dec 12, 2016 Making Emerging Leader Development Work Dec 12, 2016
- Dec 12, 2016 Action Learning and Leader Emergence Dec 12, 2016
- Dec 12, 2016 Four Features of Moral Motivation in Leadership Dec 12, 2016
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November 2016
- Nov 23, 2016 The Reflective Function Nov 23, 2016
- Nov 20, 2016 Agency: a vital aspect of leader identity development Nov 20, 2016
- Nov 17, 2016 Emerging Leader Development Webinar Nov 17, 2016
- Nov 11, 2016 Making Something of Yourself as a Leader Nov 11, 2016
- Nov 3, 2016 Moral versus Moralistic: A vital difference and a role for leaders Nov 3, 2016
- Nov 1, 2016 Leaders' Fidelity to What, to Whom? Nov 1, 2016
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October 2016
- Oct 29, 2016 Security and Leadership: A Quality Worth Cultivating Oct 29, 2016
- Oct 13, 2016 Good Pride and Bad Pride Oct 13, 2016
- Oct 2, 2016 Three Keys to Organizational Sustainability: Vital Structure, Agency, and Relational Dynamics Oct 2, 2016
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September 2016
- Sep 19, 2016 Leadership, Leader Development, and the Future of Humankind Sep 19, 2016
- Sep 6, 2016 What Leaders Can Learn From a 3-Year-Old Sep 6, 2016
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August 2016
- Aug 16, 2016 Contingency and Leader Action Aug 16, 2016
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July 2016
- Jul 11, 2016 The Paradoxical Effect of Enlightened Self-Reliance Jul 11, 2016
- Jul 2, 2016 Wanted: Courageous Clients Jul 2, 2016
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June 2016
- Jun 29, 2016 Something Old, Something New: The Johari Window in Relational Coaching Jun 29, 2016
- Jun 22, 2016 The Accidental Struggle Against Happiness Jun 22, 2016
- Jun 18, 2016 Personal Development as Narrowing and as Broadening Jun 18, 2016
- Jun 10, 2016 Founder's Syndrome: Its Impact and Resolution Jun 10, 2016
- Jun 8, 2016 Leadership: Security, Confidence, and Resilience Jun 8, 2016
- Jun 3, 2016 Making Change: Structure, Choices, and Doing Jun 3, 2016
- Jun 2, 2016 Development and Relational Scaffolding Jun 2, 2016
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May 2016
- May 31, 2016 Leader Identity and Communicative Action May 31, 2016
- May 19, 2016 Getting to the Impact of D & I: What Makes Us Who We Are? May 19, 2016
- May 3, 2016 The Achilles Heel of Development May 3, 2016
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April 2016
- Apr 13, 2016 When Leaders Make Faces Apr 13, 2016
- Apr 8, 2016 Claiming and Granting Leadership: How It Works Apr 8, 2016
- Apr 5, 2016 Executive Development: Coaching or Therapy? Apr 5, 2016
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March 2016
- Mar 30, 2016 Living and Leading from a Secure Base Mar 30, 2016
- Mar 23, 2016 Generativity—Its Role in Promoting Leader Development Mar 23, 2016
- Mar 23, 2016 Diversity, Inclusion, and Leader Emergence: What White Males Can Do Mar 23, 2016
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February 2016
- Feb 29, 2016 Generativity: Why Care? Feb 29, 2016
- Feb 19, 2016 Leadership Presence and Relational Knowing Feb 19, 2016
- Feb 9, 2016 Smart Money Says Promote from Within Feb 9, 2016
- Feb 4, 2016 Creating the Capacity for Teamwork in Real Time Feb 4, 2016
- Feb 3, 2016 Creating Space for Adaptive Action Feb 3, 2016
- Feb 2, 2016 Assessment as Vital Engagement Feb 2, 2016
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January 2016
- Jan 21, 2016 Connecting the Dots: Fairness, Engagement & Emergent Leadership Jan 21, 2016
- Jan 16, 2016 Practical Ways to Advance Your Leadership in 2016 Jan 16, 2016
- Jan 8, 2016 Why We Expect Arrogance in Leaders Jan 8, 2016
- Jan 4, 2016 The Power of Emergent Leadership Jan 4, 2016
- Jan 1, 2016 Honing Team Dynamics at Home Jan 1, 2016
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December 2015
- Dec 30, 2015 The Einstein Emotions Dec 30, 2015
- Dec 16, 2015 Onboarding as Performance Management Dec 16, 2015
- Dec 10, 2015 3-Step Solution to Opportunistic Hiring Dec 10, 2015
- Dec 9, 2015 Engagement, Fairness, and Care Dec 9, 2015
- Dec 4, 2015 Real Authenticity & Leadership Dec 4, 2015
- Dec 1, 2015 The Potential to Lead - Part 2 of 3 Dec 1, 2015
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November 2015
- Nov 30, 2015 A Meditation on Effective Action Nov 30, 2015
- Nov 25, 2015 The Potential to Lead - Part 1 of 3 Nov 25, 2015
- Nov 22, 2015 The Ceiling Effects of IQ in Selection Nov 22, 2015
- Nov 16, 2015 Executive Selection: Getting It Right Nov 16, 2015